Something that unable to say

Annyeong Bloggie :) .. Assalamualaikum. It's been awhile right? Ara.. I know it is.. Since I went to PLKN.. I have no news with you.. sorry for leaving you alone..

Ohoo.. before I start.. did you see the picture up there? it's EXO new song.. their new comeback..How happy I am as I know EXO will comeback after i went out from PLKN :D.. yeheeyyy..  So that I will have my happy time when I'm back.. I love their new song call Joha Joha.. :) I will put it on bloggie when it out officially.. . since the news about S.Coast .. Every k-variety and comeback this week were postponed.. Aishh.. that was so heartbreaking.. we haven't stop with MH370.. now it the S.Coast.. :(.. Hope everything will be alright.. Allah always there to help us.. right? 

You know bloggie.. when I at INDERA PAHLAWAN.. I've learn a lot .. Yeah.. now I know what's the meaning of CONGRATULATION FOR GETTING CHOOSE FOR PLKN ealier.. yupp.. it's make many memories for me.. As I am in DELTA's family.. The most sporting, hyper and noisy one.. :) I just proud to be one of them ...  I agree to say that Delta's works hard and always together in anything.. Enough to say they all works so hard to achieve something.. That's why we became No.1 in KKJ (Kontrak Kita Janji) , No.1 in PPSB (Program Penghayatan Sastera & Budaya) , No.1 in Kawad Kaki antara Kompeni , Penembak Terbaik Wira & Wirawati , No.1 in Latihan Akhir Wirajaya and mostly The Best Kompeni among all :D .. We won almost all ... Yup, Thanks to Cikgu Yatt, Pak Mus and Cikgu2 Delta yg lain.. Without them, Delta won't be able to do all this :) 

You know what, I have been chosen to be in Kawad Kaki Antara Kompeni.. xD .. bwahahaha... You must be shocked right bloggie? .. Yeah, even my family and friends too.. Well, min who they know are not so love doing that kawad kaki... and never ever do kawad kaki before actually.. .. kyahh.. ottokeh? I have done it ! and we won... When I came , I show them our kawad kaki video and my mum doesn't believe I did it.. wohooo.. I don't even know how I can do it .. lol .. pabo me.. :p .. 

This were where I am with my chinese friends there.. of course I miss them a lot .. the one that I always mess up with.. and the one that duty with me when Sunday came.. I have to duty on evening with them because of my parents came every sunday.. From right, Sooyan .. the one that always make all of us laugh :) The most clumsy and funny girl to be.. and in that black baju kurung, that's Vickkie.. and beside her is Lee, I always said that 'I Hate Lee' but the facts , she is the best, the best to joke around.. yeahh.. :) .. and you can see on the left one.. Pady.. the best friend that I ever had.. She is my bed mate.. she's beside me , on the first day I met her,  it was superb awkward.. I came on the second day while she on the third day .. At first.. I wasn't that close to her.. but I didn't remember , since what happen , she became so close with me.. Yeah.. She is the most happy go lucky girl that I ever met... I have seen her in bad mood too.. and it's so scary.. but nahh, Everytime she in no mood.. I will notice it first and will not ask her why until she said it herself.. She also the one who know more about me.. 

Here she is.. cute isn't it? She's my buddy.. my playmate, my bestfriend that I made there.. Thanks for being with me.. Thanks for hears all my story.. Thanks for making me smile wide too :) .. I miss argue with her.. I miss messing up with her.. I miss her nagging.. I miss she try to kidnap my big teddy xD .. lol.. yeah.. she always try to take my teddy.. this girl.. love to mess with me.. but I still doesn't care.. :) ..

Not only her.. I miss all my DELTA's Princess.. the one who brought colours to my world.. I never had experience with anyone new before .. anyone new than my friends .. :').. I felt new when I am there.. Even I can't describe it myself..  I hope our friendship will not end for 2 and a half month.. We need to keep on continue with it .. 

IP tetap di hati :) .. Even more days come .. We never forget our memories that we built together here... PLKN Kump.1 Siri 11/2014 end .. ! 




Okay.. stop with the plkn story.. my entry today is not about this actually.. aishh.. I almost forgot about my intention writing this entry today.. ehee.. mianhae my dear little bloggie.. 

There's something I can't say.. Unable to tell it out.. I don't even know why I am being so coward with the outside world.. Why I'm so scared to be with someone that I am not close with... I always be like this since before.. You know , I am being coward again few days back.. I ran off from my friends and be alone.. I don't even know why.. I failed to change.. and I cried on that day telling this to my bestfriend.. stupid of me right? .. No one ever know me well, no one ever understand me! .. I tried hard everyday to look happy.. to appear normal in front everybody.. but every time I'm alone at home .. I will always keep thinking that I'm useless.. Should I stop thinking about it? I am kinda noisy.. busybody on other people life.. I guess.. but I still have soemthing hidden inside me.. Just me , and Allah know.. It's hurt to keep alone.. but I don't believe anybody now.. I've stop believe people around me since he change.. yeah.. my first ever boy best friend ! The one that I believe and share story about myself to him .. He changes a lot .. Since then, I tried to find people that understand me.. Even once I make both of my eonnie on cybers fight .. because of me.. They fight because of my problems.. Since that day.. I stopped myself to tell people about myself.. 


Yeah, my sister is right.. I love to keep my secret alone.. my friends were right, I am unpredictable..  It's hard for them to understand me.. I remember when I still in school, I always cry suddenly .. and no one know what was that for.. Stupid ! I hate the fact that I cry in front of people.. I always mad at myself because of this.. Why am I being so coward ? I really hope I am in plkn .. Since I'm back.. my life became like before.. one day after I'm back.. the problems started to come to me.. It's hurts you know..  only Cham and Nida know about this.. Arghh! I am more happy to be in IP then being back here.. I don't want to be back to my old world.. I'm so scared and I'm weak to hadle all this.. 

Why do I always post about Kpop on my Twitter? Why I always online? Always in front of the computer and not thinking about anything else? Because I thought that kpop can make me smile, happy from thinking this horrible things.. kpop changes my life.. I know Allah is there for me :) .. I always pray for His help.. I know it .. I'm not to obsess to Kpop .. I just love it.. It's not a wrong matter to love something right? .. Sometimes .. I am being too stress.. That's why my twitter were full spam of k-story..  I know many of my followers were annoying with me.. but I don't care.. I don't care about others .. Because I'm doing it alone and doesn't disturb anyone.. I reveal my stress so that I will not damn talking shit to anyone else.. or making my annoying face with everybody.. .. Trying to smile is hard, you know?  Acting to be okay all the time is the most hardest thing that I have done.. 



There's someone suddenly said to be that I am being so kasar in front boys... She said that don't make any action to hit or kick boys..... because it make boys thinks bad about me.. Ohooo.. do I care? If that boy doesn't like me to be his friend.. so he should stop talking to me :) .. I am like this.. so people who want to be my friend should accept the fact for who I used to me.. I can't change just because I want her/him to be my friend .. A friend should accept what their friend did.. That's what it's called a friendship ..right? I hate the statement that she made .. I am really furious when I heard that .. Seriously... but I just fake a smile and just shut my mouth..  Why ? Because I don't want to get in trouble .. I don't want to argue with people like her !




It's been 2 weeks in a row.. I can't sleep early.. It's weird.. I don't know what mess my head.. but I will try hard to sleep ealier.. If not it will be hard for me to attend classes start next month .. :') .. Need to go... Ppyong Bloggie.. 

 

 *the words that I hold to myself until now*