I don't know how to say this...

Annyeong... Bloggie :) It's me again.. your little wendy .. /slapped ... ignore what I said .. lol

yes... bloggie... aren't you see that the title of my post were similar from the previous post.... bwahhaha.. I just don't know how to say this... It just complicated.. I don't know what is in my mind.. What did I felt after all of this.. I dont even know anything.. Sometimes , I felt like I left out and I'm alone in this world with no one even care that I'm here! .. Yeah, it's stupid right? I know... but I can't do anything.. I thought this is why I'm being so afraid of the outside world.. I'm too scared to be open to someone that I just know... 

Arghh.. I really felt frustrated here! Seriously... Everytime I felt down, I will started to read my fanfic, watch random things so that I can smile and laugh again... How horrible is that right? I know... People might thing I'm crazy everytime they heard me laugh out loud in my room but the fact that my laughter were not true... the laugh that I let out were just fake! Yeah, fake! totally fake..

Every time I looked at myself laughing alone in my room, I started to act weird... Because how much I laugh out loud were the total for how much I wanted to cry ! I hate it... I hate to be like this... Why can't anyone ever understand how I live? I just want to do what I want .. I just want to live happily like other people... But how? How can I go through it alone? I just don't know how... It's really damn hurts every time I need to put on my make smile and make an effort to make myself look happy all the time... I don't want to keep it alone.. but I can't even stopped myself to keep it alone... Yeah, people always said to me that if I keep on keep this feeling alone, I will be more hurt... Yes! I know that.. but if I've told you guys, you guys will never understand it though... So its better for me to shut my mouth, right?

I will try to smile .. Even I'm hurts.. I will try to happy even I'm sad... That's all I can do, right? I don't need anything else now.. I just need to bring myself away... Study and keep study.. avoid everything and act happy all the time.. even if I feel this is shit.. but I must still pretend that I'm okay, right? Yeah.. I know it.. I even can't cut my hair.. I even can't go for checkup ... So what should I do? Ignore everything.. and just asked for permission on whatever I want to do? GOSH! When will you see me as a teenagers not a kid anymore? Seriously, I am not good in talk, but I'm good in words.. every time I wrote or type, I always bursts everything.. 

You know why I kept on writing fanfic .. Though I never end every fanfic that I wrote? Because that imagination that I have in the fanfic were only to make me smile and happy.. Every time I wrote a story.. I would smile alone after reading it back.. I knew it not came out well, and not everyone loves my story.. but I made it for my own satisfication... Because of myself.. I want to read it myself... I don't care what everyone coment about me, what they thought about my story, I'll never stop myself... Every new story that I started, it always because I can't bear with my own problem.. and when I wrote that... I felt happy for myself... and I don't care anybody beside me either.. haha.. pabo me.. /grins

Oh, you know bloggie... Its been almost a month , I always slept on 6 a.m .. yeah.. and will woke up on 3 or 4 in the evening.. hee.. what a girl am I ... What can I do, I try to wake up early.. but the alarm clock always failed to wake me up... lol.. poor alarm clock... nahh~ maybe my alarm too soft... so I've change it to EXO-Overdose.. and everytime it's sound... I will Q!WE!@#$RT#@  Who the earth are making that sound! XD Kekekeke... Mian EXO-deul.. I am really like that in the morning.. I don't care who's song played by my alarm.. I will always curse to the alarm.. 

Kekee.. sorry for using Luhan for this... yeah.. alarm clock is always too soft for me to hear it .. So it's not my fault.. /le stab/ xD ... 

Bloggie.. another 2 weeks, I will continuing my study for POINT COLLEGE... 12/5 .. and I will stayed in one of the apartment there in Damansara... Well, it just for 1 or 2 month before I got my own car.... Yup.. Need to wait for that than I will be back home.. I don't know why I felt like I'm going back to PLKN xD ... lol... it just been 2 month at home now I need to go back.. tsk tsk... my life.. ugh.. xD ..  I just not understand why everyone must asked, what U did I went too? -_- Seriously... Everyone expected me to go to U .. but other than U .. I'm more interested in this college... Why? Cause What I want to do is in there... Even not everyone agreed with it... this is me.. My own choice.. my own things to do... I don't want to invovle in things that I can't do or hate.. enough for me to go for Science Class for From 4 & 5 even though my science are the worst amount all... 

  

Yeah.. I want to achieve what I have dream for so long.. and my dream is... after this college..and got my diploma.. I want to continue my study outside my country.. Yosh! I should be working hard, :) And I know .. there will be one of my friends will support me in any of my decision,..

Need to stop here.. Here some random pictures that I love :) <3 

 

 

love ; minnie

 

Something that unable to say

Annyeong Bloggie :) .. Assalamualaikum. It's been awhile right? Ara.. I know it is.. Since I went to PLKN.. I have no news with you.. sorry for leaving you alone..

Ohoo.. before I start.. did you see the picture up there? it's EXO new song.. their new comeback..How happy I am as I know EXO will comeback after i went out from PLKN :D.. yeheeyyy..  So that I will have my happy time when I'm back.. I love their new song call Joha Joha.. :) I will put it on bloggie when it out officially.. . since the news about S.Coast .. Every k-variety and comeback this week were postponed.. Aishh.. that was so heartbreaking.. we haven't stop with MH370.. now it the S.Coast.. :(.. Hope everything will be alright.. Allah always there to help us.. right? 

You know bloggie.. when I at INDERA PAHLAWAN.. I've learn a lot .. Yeah.. now I know what's the meaning of CONGRATULATION FOR GETTING CHOOSE FOR PLKN ealier.. yupp.. it's make many memories for me.. As I am in DELTA's family.. The most sporting, hyper and noisy one.. :) I just proud to be one of them ...  I agree to say that Delta's works hard and always together in anything.. Enough to say they all works so hard to achieve something.. That's why we became No.1 in KKJ (Kontrak Kita Janji) , No.1 in PPSB (Program Penghayatan Sastera & Budaya) , No.1 in Kawad Kaki antara Kompeni , Penembak Terbaik Wira & Wirawati , No.1 in Latihan Akhir Wirajaya and mostly The Best Kompeni among all :D .. We won almost all ... Yup, Thanks to Cikgu Yatt, Pak Mus and Cikgu2 Delta yg lain.. Without them, Delta won't be able to do all this :) 

You know what, I have been chosen to be in Kawad Kaki Antara Kompeni.. xD .. bwahahaha... You must be shocked right bloggie? .. Yeah, even my family and friends too.. Well, min who they know are not so love doing that kawad kaki... and never ever do kawad kaki before actually.. .. kyahh.. ottokeh? I have done it ! and we won... When I came , I show them our kawad kaki video and my mum doesn't believe I did it.. wohooo.. I don't even know how I can do it .. lol .. pabo me.. :p .. 

This were where I am with my chinese friends there.. of course I miss them a lot .. the one that I always mess up with.. and the one that duty with me when Sunday came.. I have to duty on evening with them because of my parents came every sunday.. From right, Sooyan .. the one that always make all of us laugh :) The most clumsy and funny girl to be.. and in that black baju kurung, that's Vickkie.. and beside her is Lee, I always said that 'I Hate Lee' but the facts , she is the best, the best to joke around.. yeahh.. :) .. and you can see on the left one.. Pady.. the best friend that I ever had.. She is my bed mate.. she's beside me , on the first day I met her,  it was superb awkward.. I came on the second day while she on the third day .. At first.. I wasn't that close to her.. but I didn't remember , since what happen , she became so close with me.. Yeah.. She is the most happy go lucky girl that I ever met... I have seen her in bad mood too.. and it's so scary.. but nahh, Everytime she in no mood.. I will notice it first and will not ask her why until she said it herself.. She also the one who know more about me.. 

Here she is.. cute isn't it? She's my buddy.. my playmate, my bestfriend that I made there.. Thanks for being with me.. Thanks for hears all my story.. Thanks for making me smile wide too :) .. I miss argue with her.. I miss messing up with her.. I miss her nagging.. I miss she try to kidnap my big teddy xD .. lol.. yeah.. she always try to take my teddy.. this girl.. love to mess with me.. but I still doesn't care.. :) ..

Not only her.. I miss all my DELTA's Princess.. the one who brought colours to my world.. I never had experience with anyone new before .. anyone new than my friends .. :').. I felt new when I am there.. Even I can't describe it myself..  I hope our friendship will not end for 2 and a half month.. We need to keep on continue with it .. 

IP tetap di hati :) .. Even more days come .. We never forget our memories that we built together here... PLKN Kump.1 Siri 11/2014 end .. ! 




Okay.. stop with the plkn story.. my entry today is not about this actually.. aishh.. I almost forgot about my intention writing this entry today.. ehee.. mianhae my dear little bloggie.. 

There's something I can't say.. Unable to tell it out.. I don't even know why I am being so coward with the outside world.. Why I'm so scared to be with someone that I am not close with... I always be like this since before.. You know , I am being coward again few days back.. I ran off from my friends and be alone.. I don't even know why.. I failed to change.. and I cried on that day telling this to my bestfriend.. stupid of me right? .. No one ever know me well, no one ever understand me! .. I tried hard everyday to look happy.. to appear normal in front everybody.. but every time I'm alone at home .. I will always keep thinking that I'm useless.. Should I stop thinking about it? I am kinda noisy.. busybody on other people life.. I guess.. but I still have soemthing hidden inside me.. Just me , and Allah know.. It's hurt to keep alone.. but I don't believe anybody now.. I've stop believe people around me since he change.. yeah.. my first ever boy best friend ! The one that I believe and share story about myself to him .. He changes a lot .. Since then, I tried to find people that understand me.. Even once I make both of my eonnie on cybers fight .. because of me.. They fight because of my problems.. Since that day.. I stopped myself to tell people about myself.. 


Yeah, my sister is right.. I love to keep my secret alone.. my friends were right, I am unpredictable..  It's hard for them to understand me.. I remember when I still in school, I always cry suddenly .. and no one know what was that for.. Stupid ! I hate the fact that I cry in front of people.. I always mad at myself because of this.. Why am I being so coward ? I really hope I am in plkn .. Since I'm back.. my life became like before.. one day after I'm back.. the problems started to come to me.. It's hurts you know..  only Cham and Nida know about this.. Arghh! I am more happy to be in IP then being back here.. I don't want to be back to my old world.. I'm so scared and I'm weak to hadle all this.. 

Why do I always post about Kpop on my Twitter? Why I always online? Always in front of the computer and not thinking about anything else? Because I thought that kpop can make me smile, happy from thinking this horrible things.. kpop changes my life.. I know Allah is there for me :) .. I always pray for His help.. I know it .. I'm not to obsess to Kpop .. I just love it.. It's not a wrong matter to love something right? .. Sometimes .. I am being too stress.. That's why my twitter were full spam of k-story..  I know many of my followers were annoying with me.. but I don't care.. I don't care about others .. Because I'm doing it alone and doesn't disturb anyone.. I reveal my stress so that I will not damn talking shit to anyone else.. or making my annoying face with everybody.. .. Trying to smile is hard, you know?  Acting to be okay all the time is the most hardest thing that I have done.. 



There's someone suddenly said to be that I am being so kasar in front boys... She said that don't make any action to hit or kick boys..... because it make boys thinks bad about me.. Ohooo.. do I care? If that boy doesn't like me to be his friend.. so he should stop talking to me :) .. I am like this.. so people who want to be my friend should accept the fact for who I used to me.. I can't change just because I want her/him to be my friend .. A friend should accept what their friend did.. That's what it's called a friendship ..right? I hate the statement that she made .. I am really furious when I heard that .. Seriously... but I just fake a smile and just shut my mouth..  Why ? Because I don't want to get in trouble .. I don't want to argue with people like her !




It's been 2 weeks in a row.. I can't sleep early.. It's weird.. I don't know what mess my head.. but I will try hard to sleep ealier.. If not it will be hard for me to attend classes start next month .. :') .. Need to go... Ppyong Bloggie.. 

 

 *the words that I hold to myself until now*

EXO SHOWTIME PICTURE + PREVIEW ~

Assalamualaikum and Annyeong.. :D..

Ohoii everyone... I'm not here to talk about my problems.. but to talk about how excited I am watching Exo Showtime from the first episode till now~ .. eheey~  I can't stop smiling like idiot everytime I watch it.. and I don't even get bored when I watch it over and over again :)


Here some picture from Ep 1 :')

I can't stop laughing looking at Suho.. but Ewww-ingg~ looking at Baekkie.. He just like asaffahasd!

Ab Style Tao winking and the Unicorn Lay ~ <3

Baekhyun said Kai got the darkest skin among them xD .. and seeing KaiSoo scared with the dog barking look so cute..! Kai startle.. Kyungsoo big eyes.. and Tao ignore face xD

 

ChenChen pouting ~ Uhhuuu.. this camel ! .. Kris smiling like idiots! Cold Namja ever..
  

Baekhyun moments were so cute!!!!!! .. darn~ His innocent face is the best.. and BaekSoo !



and thie where the official pose that they do for their show ! <3



 Now move on to Ep 2 !~~


 

Seeing this TAORIS moment ! Awh.. I thought Kris would never let Tao hold his arms .. but he did it!! .. and this Thehun and Kris .. shaking that rice xD ..ahahaha


Baekhyun munching munching the food like a chewing gum xD



Kai moments with his kids~ .. Awhh.. Daddy and the kids .. Jjanggu , Janggah, Monggu :D



TaoRis, BaekYeol and Sehun together..  eating and keep eating.. Kai and Suho taking care of the three kids..




 The most part that I love.. D.O with his cute big Owl eyes !!!! xD <3


at the left side.. Tao in his experiment cooling down the soup -.- ..and at the right side Baekkie try to feed Kris with the Daebokkie ..



awhh.. that Lay praising Luhan.. and Luhan smiling wide ! eheee..~ I love this 4 Exo-M members that cycling and spending time together :D



 Their moments that they spent when they are tired with their own schedules ~ <3



Let's get on to Ep 3..  Where they trick Chanyeol .... They make a hidden camera for Chanyeol's birthday :)




This two maknae who stuck with Chanyeol .. Chanyeol confess that he had a crush on Kai .. xD .. cuteee.. but then~ this two maknae escape from Chanyeol and leave him alone.. Awhh ..but I can't stop laughing as Kai keep on making nonsense facts and they both only spent 7 100 won for Chanyeol's birthday gift -.-

 

 

The moment where all of them spending time together searching for Chanyeol's birthday present :D

and there with got Duizhang  -.- he choose something cool like his image..

 

 

Chanyeol need to guess who buy every present for him .. ohoo~ 11 people to guess..~ poor him :)

Chanyeol and Kai moment ! <3 awh.. Chanyeol really bought a present for Kai.. and his heartwarming message make Kai smiles :) .. 

 

and Chanyeol transform !!! ehee.. ~~ the cute wolf Park Chanyeol :)

End with ep 3... leggo to ep 4 ! the most epic touching and heptic ever~!

ep 4 just aired yesterday.. I don't get any full eng sub that really can subs this ep.. but I have watch without subs.. and it is totally Jjang! 

\Here where they all gather together as 12 .. changing gifts with each others ..  I love this ep because... 

    
 

 

 

There are a lot of KAISOO MOMENTTTT ! .. Ohooo~ <3 How cute both of them .. eyy~ 

and also.. the new couple that I ship the most now.. 

   

CHENBAEK COUPLE ~ Gosh.. this two really make me fangirling. ! How cute both of them .. I started to ship them since ep 1 ..Eyhee~ Sorry Chanyeol and Xiumin.. I love them both now :P

   

   

They having fun while answering the question and arm wrestling ! ~ Xiumin the most strongest~ .. indeed the oldest of the group ! <3

   

   

 

 They crying make me crying too :(.. touching part.. they are watching Miracle in Cell no.7 <3 but Lay keep on sleeping and snoring from the start of the movie.. aiguu.. this chinese guy ..

but the funny picture is here..

Sehun with no emotion ~ xD .. this Mr.Yehet ! really make me laugh ! 

 Okay.. end of the EXO SHOWTIME :D .. ehee.~ I know it is the boring story ever here.. but what to do.. I love to post about them .. and I'm not tired at all <3 

 

We Are One.. We Are EXO ! <3

with love : baby wolf